Hi, I’m alive!!! To be quite honest, I’ve been lacking in creative inspiration. So many thoughts are swirling around in my brain, but nothing has been coherent or concentrated enough to produce something of value for you.

I’ve had a long week of medical drama, some planned and some not. Currently, I am attempting to recover from my wisdom teeth removal. Things are so bleak that writing inspiration has finally struck, as I am more grateful than ever for the smallest of privileges that grace my life.

For the foreseeable future, I am prohibited from entirely solid foods, strenuous movements, alcohol, spitting, and straws. My face is swollen, and I can’t form intelligible sentences without my jaw contracting from pain and exhaustion. Liquids don’t begin to satisfy my insatiable hunger; I won’t be upset if I never touch mashed potatoes again after this week. It’s been less than 48 hours since the procedure, and I am already fantasizing about everything I will eat when this is over.

With all this time to kill, I’ve been thinking about what a privilege it is to be so thwarted by these restrictions. God forbid I go a few days without an iced matcha latte and pilates workouts. One look at the news headlines and I’m sick to my stomach for ever feeling sorry for myself. I’m stuck wondering– to what degree is it merited to recognize and validate my struggles before checking myself and acknowledging how truly fortunate I am? I’m in immense pain right now, and I’m allowed to be, and fuck, I’m allowed to complain a little about it. I don’t suggest denying myself that. I just think we’re probably all a little detached from how lucky we are. And that we need more reminders of all there is to be grateful for. 

Hi, me again. Coming up on two weeks since the procedure, and two weeks since I abandoned this post and succumbed to my writer’s block. I have returned to solid foods and the world of straws and yoga mats. But instead of reveling in these small joys, I have yet again found myself consumed by the trivial challenges of day-to-day life. Rereading these post-surgery thoughts has given me a much-needed reality check. Gosh, how meta is that? How did I forget so quickly a message I was so eager to impose on you all? 

This train of thought is slightly underdeveloped, but I thought it could be interesting to navigate together, in real-time. Bear with me please!

I know, it’s a seemingly infantile realization. “Be grateful!” she says. Breaking news. Still, how many of you take a moment regularly to be grateful? I want to start being actively grateful, not passively. Viewing gratefulness as an action, a practice, rather than a state of being. 

I need to hold myself accountable for finding the joy in my own life. There is so, so much I take for granted and forget I have power over. So much to be thankful for every day. 

I ask you to join me, if you feel so inclined: check yourselves. Check your friends, your family. Check me! Make an effort to acknowledge every simple delight your life has to offer. I know I will be. I have a strong feeling that the more I do, the happier I’ll find myself. Will keep you posted. And I’ll try not to disappear for so long again…

– L